30 BEFORE 30: Domestic Mission Trip

This past week, I was in Naples,FL. It isn't Italy by any means, but it does, allegedly, have more millionaires per capita than anywhere else in the world. I have a hard time believing this fun fact, but, really, who am I to judge where millionaires decide to live?

Many people I told about the trip expressed confusion over my decision to go to a Floridian city to spread the gospel of Christ. After all, Florida is part of the Bible Belt, and, if you spend any amount of time in Jacksonville, you'll notice that there are as many choices of church here as there are condiments at Subway. The interesting (I suppose) thing about Florida, though, is that, somewhere around "South of Orlando", it ceases being a southern state and turns into an extension of the northeast corner of the United States, meaning that it is surprisingly unchurched.

So, off we went. I arrived four days late to the party, but managed to be in on most of the ministry that went on.

Thursday: No ministry, just a relaxing evening of turning the surprisingly large bathtub of our vacation-rental-master-suite into a Jacuzzi. Three of us managed to fit, and I'm pretty sure the bubbles were made out of hand soap and shampoo.

Friday: While Gem and I sang Jesus Loves Me on the radio (I still hold that we were completely set up), Trip Vince and his crew gave out snowcones to local kids. I'm still a bit dubious of the message this sends to children. We spend an awful lot of time drilling into them never to take candy from strangers only to then use sweets as a ministry tool. I was amazed that no helicopter parent swooped down to ask why a man dressed as a Creamcicle was giving their child sugar-topped ice.

We ended that day by taking lunch to some local firefighters and chit-chatting with them about the various aspects of firefighter-dom. Turns out they're pretty cool kids. And they are happy to pile all their gear onto tiny Asian girls. I'm not Asian, incidentally, but my friend Gem is, and really, how cute is she? If my house burns down, that's totally who I want coming to my rescue.

Saturday: Whistler's Cove! We set up shop near the pool of a local apartment complex and enticed the local children to join us with promises of games and candy. It was a fantastic success, full of face-painting, games, crafts, and balloon animals. We managed to share two Bible stories with the local kiddos, one about the Good Samaritan, and the other that was more a conglomeration of several stories. I think it was supposed to be the one where Jesus provides Peter with an enormous catch of fish, but, really, with as much time as Jesus spent on boats, it could have been anything.

Sunday: Church and the drive home. I'm almost positive that, at some point during the week, there was also trip to Cracker Barrel and a Game Night involving questionable hand motions representing Gene Simmons, but, to be honest, I was too exhausted to stock it away in memory. The week resulted in at least one family that is now bringing their children to church, several firefighters who know that the church appreciates their work even if it means they can't make it to church on Sundays, and a community that is beginning to realize that the church cares for more then their tithe.

Evangalism

Evangelicals are an interesting lot. They also get a large amount of bad press, so I thought I'd come to their aid and clear up a few things.

The problem is that there is a great aversion among the general public to people forcing their opinions on other people. Usually this doesn't actually translate to forcing anything. Rather, it is a euphemism for "They think I'm wrong!" We, sadly, live in a world that believes the logical fallacy that all viewpoints are equally true, and that if you have the audacity NOT to believe that all viewpoints are equally true, you are forcing your opinion on people.

By the way, I call it a logical fallacy because it is. All viewpoints cannot be equally true. It's impossible. It's closely related to the idea that something is true for you because you believe it. Sadly, as much as I may believe the sky is green with red polka dots does not make it so, even for me. But I digress.

Evangelicals. There are several factions of them that take it too far. The Westboro Baptist Church comes to mind (I will not link to that horrific website. Google it if you're curious), as do the many crazies who stand on street corners, damning all they see to a fiery eternity. These are not the evangelicals I would have you think of. Think of the quieter evangelicals. The ones who cling to their faith and truly believe that you should believe in it as well. The ones who may have argued with you (for the record, they shouldn't have) over Christianity's validity and grew increasingly frustrated as you refused to convert. I have been that evangelical. We are seen as a bit pathetic and misguided. Why can't they just let people think what they wish and leave everyone to their own beliefs? Why do they have to insist that everyone believe as they do? What judgemental people!

Here's the scoop on that. Most evangelicals are not aiming for judgemental. They ascribe to a belief that, for one, claims inherently to be the only way to salvation. There is no way around that claim in Christianity, and it is made, not by Christians themselves, but by the cornerstone and deity of the faith! Christ did not claim to be a way, or even the best way. He claimed to be the ONLY way. For two, they are commanded to tell other people. Not asked, not suggested. Commanded. For three, you have to understand the way the evangelical sees the world. The evangelical see themselves (or should see themselves, if they are honest) as a sinner whose only salvation was Christ. Therefore, they look around at the world and see a world full of people headed for a terrible, horrific fate. To an evangelical, it's as if the whole world is dying of cancer, and they have been handed the cure, but no one will believe them. An evangelical feels like they are screaming "This doctor cured me! He gave me the cure, and I don't have to die! I'll take you to him! He can cure you too!!" and everyone else just says "I don't see this doctor. I don't believe you!" as they continue toward a painful death, trying myriad other cures that do not work or work for only a little while, when the true cure is so easily given. Try for a moment to empathize with how frustrating that must be, for someone who truly believe in only two roads, and sees the majority of the world headed down the wrong one.

The evangelistic spirit does not seek to be right, or to "win" by converting X amount of souls. Yes, there will be those whose pride gets in the way and who debate with you and lose sight of the message, but cut these some slack. By their own admission, they are not perfect, only forgiven.

Sadly, today's evangelical finds little opportunity to proselytize loudly. In today's world of "believe what you will, but leave me alone", the mere mention of Jesus's name is enough to shut down the communicative channels, sometimes permanently. Most have been reduced to being "lifestyle witnesses", living well and hoping someone will someday ask.

I am a terrible evangelical Christian. I struggle with the daily life of someone who strives to be like Christ. I struggle internally with my faith. But I know the road I am on leads to paradise, and I wish you were on it with me. To all those I have not done a good enough job of telling this to, forgive me.

This post is dedicated to Daniel Ian Rosoff, for whom I did not do enough. For him, I was and am burdened with a love that is as close to Christ's love for humanity as I ever care to come. I pray constantly that someone better than I will show him the way to Christ.

It is also dedicated for Kicae, for whom I did just enough. I look forward to the day I see him again, and we will need no interpreter.

Lent

Lent.

My Husband and I celebrate, if you can call 40 days of self-denial "celebration". Which I can't.

This year, despite my mother-in-law's urging to "take something on" instead of give something up (As I told my mother, there are only so many slots in my life, and they are all full), I am giving up Facebook. My sweet link to the outside world. My dear facebook. I'm not a face-to-face social animal. I need the protection of the internet to form "meaningful" "relationships" with other "people".

I'm a little broken up over it, actually.

Paul is giving up video games, which I know is as hard for him as giving up facebook is for me. I can see this while thing ending in a giant compromise about 20 days in, for both of us.

In place of video games and facebook, we are starting the Love Dare, which we began on Valentine's Day. It's endorsed by Kirk Cameron, who is, dare I say, the Tom Cruise of Christianity, albeit slightly less creepy.

Also I need to start reading my Bible again. Apparently there's some good stuff in there.

Superbowl

As my beloved Chargers opted not to make it to the Superbowl this year, I wasn't insanely interested, except for the commercials, which, sadly, I missed most of due to my SIL's recent acquisition of Sims 3. It's fun, if less than user-friendly. However, to review:

Previews: The previews for Alice in Wonderland and the Wonderful World of Harry Potter have me salivating for both. The one for AIW in particular was simply lovely. The preview for Robin Hood was decent, but after having read Stephen Lawhead's Hood, I don't know that I'll be satisfied with a film rendition of anything else.

Commercials: Doritos was the victor this year, with the little kid and his order to "Keep yo' hands off my mama, Keep yo' hands of my Doritos". Snickers came in a close second, if only for the use of Betty White, who I can't believe is still as alive as she is.

Tebow: The whole world just needs to knock it off with the whole Tebow thing. I didn't see the halftime show, but the controversy leading up to it was preposterous. To all the Anti-Tebow Ad people - Shut up. CBS can show whatever they want when they are the ones airing the Superbowl. They are a television station. They aren't required to be non-partisan, and Tebow's mother is certainly entitled to her freedom of speech, and the church which funded the commercial is free to spend their money however they want. To all the Pro-Tebow Ad people - Shut up. Gloating over this woman's freedom of speech is not classy. If a Pro-choice woman had done what she did, you wouldn't be talking about her freedom of speech, you'd be yelling about how inappropriate it is for someone to push a political agenda during the Superbowl.

The Saints - Well played, Gentlemen. Well played.

The Cosmic FacePalm

If you aren’t a Christian, you can still read this, but it will make very little sense to you. I mean, the words will, obviously, but the concepts presented won’t. Fair warning.

Ah, Marijuana. Mary Jane. Reefer. Pot. No matter what you call it, it is the fantastic substance that has inexplicably managed to find it’s way onto the DEA’s S**t list.

For the record, I think we need to legalize marijuana, if for no other reason than to get the potheads to shut the eff up. That aside, it’s an amazing rotation crop, a phenomenal building material, and an incredibly strong fiber. It is a potential miracle crop; it’s sustainable, fast-growing, and has myriad purposes other than recreational. As far as its recreational use goes, it is by far one of the least dangerous drugs on the market, including tobacco and alcohol. No one ever went into a marijuana-induced rage and tried to kill someone. It hasn’t been conclusively linked to lung cancer, though not for lack of trying on the part of the DEA. Furthermore, as much as the D.A.R.E. programs of the world try to label it as an addictive hallucinogenic, it isn’t. Pot isn’t addictive, for one thing. You may really enjoy smoking it, but nobody ever sat in a room with the shakes because they were withdrawing from pot. It’s also not a hallucinogen, and don’t let anybody tell you it is. Enough of it might alter your perceptions a bit, and if it’s got something weird in it that isn’t pot, you might hallucinate, but strait cannabis? I think not. Doctors in California are prescribing this stuff for headaches. If our medical professionals think it safe enough to give for such frivolous reasons, I think we may be go for legalization.

So now you know where I stand on legalization. You’ll notice, however, that I don’t smoke pot. Ever. For any reason. I have no problem with the drug itself, but, though I enjoy it, I don’t choose to partake. Why, you may ask? For the simple fact that it is illegal.

My belief system, or Christianity, as some would refer to it, includes the mandate from Christ to obey the laws of the land, insomuch as they do not cause you to go against God’s laws. In other words, don’t steal, but if your leader makes it a law to kill Jews, don’t do that either. I don't smoke marijuana, not because I think it's wrong, but because my government has decided to make it illegal.

I had a discussion with a Christian pot-smoker though, in which they justified to me why they still allow themselves to smoke, even though they know the whole “law-of-the-land” rule. The first excuse they hit me with was “Jesus also said not to get tattoos” I sighed and answered, “Jesus didn’t say that. That’s in the Old Testament and it’s a Judaic law. It doesn’t apply to you and me because we aren’t Jewish. Like Kosher.”* He paused for a moment, then said “But our government thinks it’s alright to bomb civilians” For the record, they don’t, but I let it pass and said “If you feel that joining the military would cause you to sin, then by all means, don’t. The mandate was to follow all the laws that do not cause you to sin. God’s law comes first.” After that, he just said “I’m just stating my opinion, and I’ve never been convicted* by the Holy Spirit to stop smoking pot” Our conversation ended there, but I couldn’t help but think that the Holy Spirit shouldn’t need to convict us when something is spelled out for us in God’s word.

This post isn’t really about Marijuana. That’s just the conversation that got me thinking. It made me realize how often I have heard the excuse, “God hasn’t convicted me”. Yea, but, if it’s in the Bible, should he have to? If Christ specifically said, and he did, “Don’t allow yourself to become angry to the point of hatred”*, it’s a sin whether you are specifically convicted of it or not. I’ve heard this logic applied to lying, broken promises, disobedience to parents, ect ect ect, and it doesn’t hold water then, either. You don’t get to sin and then wait, as a naughty child, for daddy to come slap your hand, and then assume, if he doesn’t, that you must be special and the rule doesn’t apply to you. Christ’s teachings apply to everyone who chooses to follow them, and to pick and choose which commands are convenient to you is the very definition of a lukewarm* faith. Don’t get me wrong, I sin too, and often. Much more often than I would care to admit, but here it is. I admit it. Every day, multiple times. I am a bonafide, tried and true sinner. I’m prideful, spiteful, manipulative, and a terrible gossip. The point here is that it would still be wrong of me to beat my husband with a 2X4, even if I didn’t feel convicted afterward. I have a feeling that sometimes God just says “Convict you? But I already convicted you! I gave you the rules, right here in the book! They aren’t even hard rules!*” And then he does a cosmic facepalm and has to sit down for a moment because we humans are just so dumb sometimes.

*For those of you who don’t know, There are three kinds of laws in the Old Testament. There’s the Judaic laws, which deal with cleanliness and Kosher. If you aren’t a Jew, those don’t apply. Then there are Civic laws, which deal with crime and punishment. Unless you’re a Hebrew, those don’t apply either. Then there are moral laws, like the Ten Commandments, the laws against Bestiality, that kind of thing. Those were typically repeated in the New Testament and apply to everyone. We don’t pick and choose these. The wording in the Hebrew and Aramaic is different and helps us differentiate.

* For those non-christians who are reading this and are confused about the use of the term “conviction”, it’s sort of, but not really, the same as a court conviction. Basically it means to feel guilty for what you’ve done, but we believe that the guilt comes from God rather than ourselves.

* This is what I call Rai-phrasing. The passage is in Matthew 5:21-26

* Revelation 3:15-16

* They aren’t really. Don’t steal, don’t kill people, be honest. Basically just stuff most of us know to do anyway.

Jesus Hates Trees (and Penguins.)

The movie Avatar came out last weekend, and, like they do with everything that doesn't have a Judeo-Christian theme, the militant Christians are calling foul.

Quick facts about Avatar, in case you live in a cave:

- There is a very strong Environmental theme. The main race is very in-tune and respectful of nature, and their (female) deity manifests herself through a tree. She is not actually a tree, but uses is to communicate to her people (like a burning bush, some would say).

- I would use this bullet to give another quick fact, but basically, that first one is where people are taking issue. It's the same thing that happened with Happy Feet. Apparently Jesus doesn't love Penguins either.

The point here is not (thankfully) the Christian relationship with the media. That's a topic for a whole other blog. My point this time is the stance so many Christians seem to take against Environmentalism. I have, over the last week, seen several facebook posts decrying Environmentalism as a dangerous, terrible idea, full of hypocrisy and dangerous philosophies.

The way I see it though, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Granted, Nature WORSHIP is certainly not what God had in mind, but switching to canvas bags?

According to the Genesis account, God created the Heavens and the Earth, and truly, did a stunning job. The natural world is a testament and a witness to the Great Artist. Go to to the Mountains sometime. Or the Desert. Or anywhere. Just go and marvel at what his hands have made. Phenomenal, truly. After creating all that beauty, we come to find out that it's a gift! It's possibly the second greatest present ever given to anyone, ever, and it is given to the next creation: Man. God made the man, breathed air into him, gave him a name, and put him in the Garden of Eden. Why did he put him there? According to Genesis 2:15, to work it and take care of it. The Amplified Bible says "to tend and guard". The point is that God's purpose was clear. The Earth was a gift, but it was up to Adam, and, consequently, Adam's children, to care for it.

Shouldn't we, then, as Christians, be the most environmentally concious? Not in spite of our greater goal, which is the expansion of the Word, but if we truly believe that this earth was a gift, should we not be the first in line for environmentally friendly options, or are we so confident that God does not see how we squander his gifts? That's what it is, in case you have forgotten. It was the first gift, even before the gift of a mate. It has fallen into disrepair at our hands, and yet militant christianity sees no need to repair the damage mankind has done, and even seeks to destroy a movement that has the possibility to restore a fraction of this world's beauty. When God gives, he gives with the understanding that we will be good stewards of what he has provided.

Granted, if the focus of a life is entirely environmental, it could indeed pave the way for nature worship (I guess). But instead of seeing the environmental movement as a threat to the Message and warning against it, could we not use it? Could it not serve as a reminder to God's greatness and a tool for ministry? Are we that unimaginative that we can think of no way to both honor the great commision and be good stewards of what God has given? Come on now.

God gave us this earth, and he gave only one. I believe he will call us home before it falls to shreds, but that isn't the point. We care for it because we appreciate what we have been given and the care we put into the earth is how we show our gratitude to its creator.

I leave you today with this cartoon:

Mappy Christmashannukuwanzaamadan...and Chinese New Year

Every year around December 1st, Christians all over America take up the “It’s Merry Christmas, Not Happy Holidays” banner. I myself was one of those Christians until this year when I made a stunning realization. Much like the Christian war on “The Gays”, the war on “Happy Holidays” is a shining example of the modern church’s ability to shoot itself in the foot. With an assault rifle, probably.
Somewhere around 1982*, corporate America made a startling discovery. Turns out, we had Jews in our country! Jews, and Muslims, and Black People and CHINESE! Obviously this was a terrible oversight on all our parts, which was only compounded when corporate America realized that all of those people celebrate holidays around the same time as Christmas. Hanukuh, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Chinese New Year. Add to that the fact that the Catholics had somehow turned up to complicate things, and now we had not only those, but Advent and Epiphany! Thank goodness the Canadians never showed up. If we added Boxing Day to the mess, who knows what kind of chaos could have ensued. But I digress. Shortly after the discovery, board meetings were called to determine what to do with this newfound knowledge, and more importantly, the newfound potential for profit. After all, Halmark had done such a fantastic job commercializing Christmas, why couldn’t corporate America do it with all the other Holidays? Plans were made, Graphs were drawn up, and suddenly someone said “But what will we say?” Thus, “Happy Holidays” was born.
“Happy Holidays” is corporate America’s way of being inclusive and to avoid offending, which is their job if they wish to make a profit. Perhaps this is news to many, but there are thousands of families and people who don’t celebrate Christmas, and we can’t be so selfish that we aren’t willing to share the month of December. How can we spread the love and message that was given to us if we are so busy ranting about how we are being stolen from? In case you have all forgotten, this season is not “ours”. Strictly speaking, the Romans had it first, and it was a festival to celebrate one of their many gods. We just borrowed it and changed it around to suit what we needed it to suit. You can’t feel entitlement over something that wasn’t yours to begin with. We celebrate a worthy thing, truly, and there is nothing wrong with celebrating the birth of our savior, but if Christmas is the only time we think about the fact that our world has lost sight of its creator, we are doing something very wrong.
In reality, there is no reason for Christians to expect corporate America to cater to them during the Holiday season, and it’s counter-productive to think so. In fact, why are we getting so concerned about what corporate America is doing anyway? This is a time to think about a birth whose sole purpose was sacrifice, a young woman who accepted a challenge that seemed impossible, and a young man who trusted what he could not see. This season is a celebration of the greatest gift ever given to mankind, and a reminder to all of us to think first of our fellow man. Why have we allowed simple words to eclipse that? The truth is, we live in a world of many people, religions and creeds. Our mission is to spread the word of God, it’s true, but we will not accomplish that if we are expecting the secular world to spread our message for us.
In this, we Christians have, yet again, missed the point. Somehow rhetoric has replaced the message of goodwill, and semantics the message of peace. If you celebrate Christmas, say “Merry Christmas” without fear of offending. If you are Jewish, wish a “Happy Hanukkuh” with joy. If you celebrate nothing, say nothing, but take all wishes in the spirit in which they are meant, without worrying whether their salutation matches yours.
The point, Church, is to stop worrying so much about what comes out of the mouth of your fellow man between December 1st and 31st, and start worrying about your fellow man*. This season, I challenge every Christian to wish all a “Merry Christmas” while showing Christ’s love to the world, and, when greeted with “Happy Holidays” to smile warmly, wish them the same, and think about the gift that makes this holiday so very happy indeed.

* This year is completely made up, as is any account of corporate America’s actions during said year. Duh.
* I don’t much like this sentence. It’s awkward, but hopefully you see the point. Worry about your fellow man as a person, rather than judging him for the words that are coming out of his mouth.

If your marriage isn't sacred. don't blame the Gays

Are you sitting down? You should be. It’s about to get intense. Here’s the thing. I’m a conservative. I’m a Southern Baptist. I voted for McCain. I’m Pro-Gay Marriage.

See? I told you it was intense.

Here’s the thing about gay marriage. Actually, here’s the thing about marriage in general. Marriage is not a constitutional right, so get that idea out of your head right this moment. Marriage, for all intents and purposes under the law, is a legal partnership between two consenting adults (Yes, I agree to limiting the definition of marriage to two, and only two, adults. Let’s not get silly. We’ve all seen the wonders of polygamy.) Yes, a marriage is entered into with love and trust and emotional attachment and all those other wonderful, gushy things, but my marriage contract doesn’t mention any of that. My marriage contract, as far as I can see, is a legal document. I had to swear an oath…raise my right hand and repeat after the clerk of courts, even.
Marriage (again, under the law only) provides couples with protection in the event of the death of a spouse, tax exemptions, the ability to share insurance, adopt children, ect ect ect. There is literally NO reason to exclude a citizen of the United States from something that is given to the rest of us over something that is, at it’s base, a purely moral, and mostly religious issue. It seems to me that this resembles the miscegenation laws a bit too much. Remember? When a black woman and a white man (or vice-versa) could not marry because of the color of their skin? Or even, and this is a bit of a stretch, but go with me, the fight in the early 1900’s that secured the vote for women. Men beat these women in the streets because they found it morally reprehensible that women would want to take a hand in their nation’s politics. American History is littered with inequality based on the argument of morality and tradition.
It is not enough anymore to deny marriage to certain individuals based on the beliefs of the religion you practice. I mean really. If a national law allowing gay marriage did pass, how would churches feel if they were then required to marry homosexuals? You would hear pastors in pulpits across America screaming “Separation of Church and State!” Government and Religion in our country are not meant to mix, as much for the Church’s protection as for the Government’s. The Government can make no law restricting or dictating the practices of any religion, and Churches cannot expect Congress to uphold a practice that is discriminatory simply because it goes against the words of the Bible.
So what is the Church to do? Well, for one, if you find homosexual behavior morally reprehensible, don’t marry them in your church. Simple. There are at least 200 churches, notaries and justices of the peace in Jacksonville ALONE. Homosexual couples aren’t going to be offended that you won’t marry them.
Sidetrack! Actually, I can't say that. Maybe they will be offended, but homosexuals who would be offended, listen up. No church is, or should be, required to do anything that goes against their moral code, and you can't be offended every time someone disagrees with you, that would be exausting, and also pointless. In fact, how much integrity can a religious institution have that will go against what they truly believe in order to be politically correct and earn the few dollars that an officiation fee would bring? Come on, No one is required to agree with anyone else, and really, if they find your behavior morally reprehensible, why would you want them to marry you anyway? Remember that the fact that someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them judgemental. It makes the different.
Where was I? Ah yes, churches that won't marry homosexuals on moral grounds, and homosexuals who may or may not, but shouldn't be offended. Point is, there are other officiation options. Also, Church, listen up for a minute, because this is important. Isn’t our goal to win souls to Christ? How good a job are we doing by telling homosexuals “Jesus Loves You! We Love You! But we don’t want to have the same rights under the law that we have, because Jesus says you don't deserve them. Sooooryyyyy” What makes the church think that outlawing gay marriage will somehow achieve the goal of winning people to Christ, which is, I thought, supposed to be our primary focus?
“But Rai! What about the sanctity of marriage?!”
What about it? If your marriage isn’t sacred, don’t blame the Gays. Maybe you need to look at your own life and decide what’s going on to make your marriage less than sacred. The governemt doesn't make a marriage sacred. A marriage is sacred because of what it means to the two induviduals entering into it, not because of how the government defines it. If your marriage suddenly loses sanctity because Gay Gary and Lezzie Linda* are allowed to marry their respective partners, it can't have been that sacred to begin with.
“But Rai! Don’t you believe what the Bible says about Homosexuality?!” Actually, I do. I don’t approve of the lifestyles of my homosexual friends. There. I said it. But, to be fair, I don’t approve of the lifestyles of a lot of my heterosexual friends. I’m judgey that way. (Ask me about my plan for your life. I dare you) That doesn’t mean I’m going to ask them to turn in their voter registration cards and social security numbers until they’re ready to ascribe to my version of morality. I love them, because that’s what Jesus told me I'm supposed to do, and I leave the legislation to offer equality to everyone, because that's what it's supposed to do.
Point is, we have to stop seeing the law as a way to push the religious agenda. The law is there to protect the citizens of our country, and to provide equality for as many as is possible. It is not there to evangilize, to win to Christ, or to proselitize. That's OUR job, and if we're expecting the law to do it for us, we are being lazy.


*I apologize for the use of Gay Gary and Lezzie Linda. They are close friends and said it would be ok.