Resolutions

I always get all tingly at the start of a new year. It's so fresh and clean, no mistakes in it, no ANYTHING in it, just blank newness waiting to be mucked about it.

I know that's rubbish.

And also I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who, which explains the British phraseology. Seriously, if I had a British accent, I'd shut up even less than I already do.

Anyway, like I said, I know the whole idea of the new year being fresh and shiny and new is utter rubbish, because really, there's nothing special about tomorrow. It's just another day. But somehow it's so full of opportunities and choices to be made or not made or unmade or remade. It's just so darn EXCITING.

I am a resolution maker, and this year I have three four resolutions for my brand new, shiny year:

1. Organize. This sounds dumb, but we live in 1200 sq feet, and until the economy turns around, we're going nowhere fast. It's time to take this hodge podge of a house and turn it into a well-mannered, organized home.

2. Get Healthy - I'm little, but I am nowhere near as healthy as I wish I was. Starting tomorrow, I'm exercising, feeding my family more whole foods and no more eating cereal that changes the color of my milk. I may even start to buy *gasp* 2% instead of whole. The end goal here is to run a 5K next December.

3. Read. In 2010, I read 100 books. 100. I didn't set myself a reading goal last year and I read precisely five books. Or so. So this year, I'm cutting the goal in quarters, because I have doula training and work and a BABY. So, in 2012, I'm reading 25 books. At least. And only seven of them can be Harry Potter.

It's funny because there are seven Harry Potter books.

4. Word. As in "The Word". My relationship with God fell to the wayside when I became a mother, but if I want to raise up this little girl in the way that she should go, I need to make sure I am on the way that I should go. I miss reading the Bible every night. I miss the closeness I had with God.

So there it is. Organze. Fit. Read. Word.

OFRW.

Or WORF, if you prefer.

Actually, I do.

WORF: New Years 2012

30 BEFORE 30: The Lord of the Rings

I finished The Fellowship of the Ring not five minutes ago. I won't waste time with a review. Suffice to say that Everyone should, at some point, read The Lord of the Rings. Read The Hobbit first, though, or you'll be completely lost.

I watched the film adaptations of LOTR before I read the novels. I don't usually do this, but, when the movies came out, I was 14 and had already attempt to read the books, only to find that, even with my advanced reading abilities, they were beyond me. Even now, at 23, it took me a good two and a half weeks to get through.

Reading this after watching the movies has given me new appreciation for Peter Jackson. With the exception of Tom Bombadil, the film is incredibly true to the book.

But we aren't talking about the film.

Let me just talk about Mr. Bombadil for a moment. What a fantastic character. He is silly and ridiculous, while somehow managing to also be wise and powerful. My favorite part of his character, however, is his love for his wife, Goldberry. It isn't the main point, or even a secondary point in the passage, but every time Tom speaks, he ends his thoughts with some variation on "I have to get home, Goldberry is waiting!" It just struck me as so tender and sweet.

I very much enjoyed this reading, now that now that I've given it the attention it deserves.

Onward, now, to The Two Towers. See you in two weeks.

Whiny-Pants

I knew this was going to happen.

The year started off great. I was reading a book every few days, actually internalizing almost everything, getting emotionally involved in everything I read (Except Multiple Blessings. I'm almost positive that Kate Gosselin is an automaton)

And yet, here we are. I have been slowing down in my reading since April, and I haven't been able to read anything since "It Sucked, and the I Cried". Incidentally, this isn't like when I read Harry Potter and then take a reading fast for two weeks. That has everything to do with being mentally exhausted and grief-stricken. This has to do with being in a rut. I shouldn't be in a rut, you know. School is over, summer is here, Glee and The Big Bang Theory are both wrapping up seasons, leaving my weeknights wide open. I do have Lost on my XBOX, but, really, how addicting can it possibly be? The point is, I want to read. I love to read. I just can't find anything that is hooking me in.

I tried "Running with Scissors". Not happening for me. At all. I hated the first 10 pages, pushed through to 50, and decided life is too short to read books I clearly hate.

Then David Sedaris's "Me Talk Pretty Someday". It came highly recommended, but reads like someone telling a story you don't really want to hear. What's worse is that everyone but you thinks the story is fantastic, and you're left wondering if its you or the world who has the problem.

The the first book of the Pendragon Cycle, "Merchant of Death". Promising, but as much as I love Young Adult fantasy, even I need a break now and again.

So, here we are. Me and "The Book Thief". Young Adult. Fiction. World War II.

Sounds like a possible winner. But it's sitting in the other room, and I'm talking to you people. I'm avoiding it. Like that kid in high school who was a tiny bit creepy and wanted to take you to homecoming. You know he's there, you would just rather he didn't look at you and breath all heavy.

Projects

I love projects. I love the idea of having an end goal, materials, and a set of directions to get you from start to finish. I think it's the Type A personality in me that I've squished and smothered under years of procrastination and forcing myself to be "artistic".
That said, I'm terrible at starting projects. I have lots of great ideas and plans, but very little a) time b)money c)get up and go. I'm just not motivated in a practical way. I love to think about things, mostly because, in my head, I can accomplish an entirely made-over house for free, and with no effort on my part. Sadly, when I open my eyes, I still have horrific carpet, cheap tile, and a generic Target TV console. It's enough to break your heart, really.
THAT said, I've decided to change. It's my May 6 resolution. I have a whole list of things I want accomplished before Paul and I add to our family (which won't be happening this month, by the way. Thanks a ton, mother nature. Also, I hate you).
Here's my list, in no particular order:

This Bed - I have a love affair with Pottery Barn. It's a secret. I'm not even sure Pottery Barn knows, although maybe it does, because every time I go in that store, all the associates can smell the poor on me and give me the stink-eye. This particular bed is a knock off of one I've been coveting at Pottery Barn for the past forever, but could never find for under about a million dollars. Well, here it is, for the low. low price of "Do it your own self". And $120. The Pottery Barn version sells for at least $1190.

These bookshelves - My current nightstand is a baritone case. With an actual baritone in it. As bohemian as that sounds, it's pretty low on the functionality scale and even lower on the "Wow, it totally looks like you put thought and care into your decor" scale. These bookshelves are small and low enough to be considered nightstands, and they have SHELVES. No drawers though. I have a tendency to make messes of drawers. It's a disease.

This Media Console - Another Pottery Barn item. I have wanted an apothecary table ever since that episode of Friends where Phoebe talks about how evil Pottery Barn is. And maybe it is. But this apothecary table is quite lovely.

There is also a changing table I want to build. Sadly, I have nothing to change on a changing table. Soon and very soon

All these plans are from Knock-OffWood.com. She's fantastic. You should check it out.

Graduation Time!

Last Tuesday, my husband picked up my cap and gown from the college. This weekend, I picked up my (way more important than the cap and gown) graduation dress! I haven't bought a new article of clothing since my rehearsal dinner dress, so this is quite the big deal.

I've spent five years trying to get a two year degree, and, next semester, I will have to take two more classes to recieve my Child Development Associate, and then another two semesters for my Database Development Specialist Certificate. Regardless of the work I still have to do, May 8th, commencement, is the culmination of five years of work and finally being able to say that I am a college graduate. I am quite proud of myself.

Education Continued

I've made a decision.

I'm getting my CDA first. That way, if something happens and I can't get my B.S. right away, I am still more attractive to the Child Care Industry than someone with only an AA or a High School Diploma

Next Spring I will transfer to FSCJ for my BS in Early Childhood Education and pray that by the time my internship comes up, I will be in a situation where it is pheasible. If it isn't, I'll see if I can intern for Florida Virtual School.

As much as I love literature and writing and would love to major in English, it simply isn't pheasible for me to work all day and go to school all night. I barely see my husband as it is.

Education

I finished my AA this winter, which, after five years, is quite the accomplishment, I suppose.
Now, though, I'm dealing with the decision of what to do next.
I have three main choices, none of them exactly what I want, and none of them with exactly what I need for them to fit into my life. I have an incredibly busy life, so the ideal program is available online, with few out-of-class requirements.

Career Goals:
- To teach.
- To work in a library

Education Options:
- B.S. in Early Childhood Education.
Pros: Highly Specialized Degree; Allows me to pursue my passion; Entire degree (almost) available online
Cons: Requires a full day, one-semester internship that I cannot afford to quit my job to accomplish

- B.A. in English
Pros: No Internship; Allows me to get college credit for reading and writing, which I do anyway.
Cons: Little to none is available online

- CDA
Pros: only two classes left to completion. available completely online, no internship
Cons: Not a bachelor's degree, would not allow me to teach at a higher level than Pre-K

Decisions, Decisions.

A - Z New Authors

For those of you who pay attention to my sidebars (though I don't know why you would.), you may have noticed the new list labeled A - Z new authors in 2010. As if reading 100 books in 2010 and participating in the Nest Book Challenges wasn't enough, I've decided that at least 26 of my books need to be new authors. I'm allowing three of them to be authors I read for the first time this year, but before I started the challenge.

Rules:

1. Authors must be new to me, meaning I have never read any of their work before.
2. Pen names and audiobooks are acceptable.

Q should be interesting...As should Z

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Lent

Lent.

My Husband and I celebrate, if you can call 40 days of self-denial "celebration". Which I can't.

This year, despite my mother-in-law's urging to "take something on" instead of give something up (As I told my mother, there are only so many slots in my life, and they are all full), I am giving up Facebook. My sweet link to the outside world. My dear facebook. I'm not a face-to-face social animal. I need the protection of the internet to form "meaningful" "relationships" with other "people".

I'm a little broken up over it, actually.

Paul is giving up video games, which I know is as hard for him as giving up facebook is for me. I can see this while thing ending in a giant compromise about 20 days in, for both of us.

In place of video games and facebook, we are starting the Love Dare, which we began on Valentine's Day. It's endorsed by Kirk Cameron, who is, dare I say, the Tom Cruise of Christianity, albeit slightly less creepy.

Also I need to start reading my Bible again. Apparently there's some good stuff in there.

Relationships.

I'm rather bad at them, actually. I'm still not sure how I managed to hook a husband, and such a dashingly handsome one at that. Men are simpler, I suppose.
Regardless, the point remains that, while I am happily married, I lack the natural ability to nurture and maintain friendly relationships.
I think it stems from two things.
Firstly, I am not very conscientious of others. I like to talk about myself, and I forget that other people exist for reasons other than being my own personal sounding boards. I also forget to be interested in their lives. I am a forgetter of birthdays, medical conditions, things I have been told only moments before, and life experiences. I am often both prone to second-guess people's reactions to my words while I remain hyper-aware of their body language and facial expressions, leading to an awkward dance between reading the people around me and not over-analyzing them and assuming that they are thinking of ways to ostracize this loud, obnoxious newcomer. I speak long before I think of what repercussions could come from my words. I am abrasive and do not adjust my speech and tone for various situations and people. Conversation for me does not flow easily unless I am with someone I know well or one of those lucky few who could talk to a brick wall and make easy conversation. The subtleties of polite conversation escape me, and consequently, I tend to either say nothing or say everything that is in my head. I am not rude, precisly, I'm just not what one might call very considerate.
Secondly, I never lost the idea that I am an awkward person. I was incredibly awkward in high school and somehow, though I have been assured that I am not, I still see myself that way, and that insecurity leads me to second guess myself before I approach people, before I call people, before I send messages and comments on facebook and message boards. I will begin to dial or type and then think to myself "Who needs to hear from you?" Self-depracating? Yes. Can I help it? Nope.
The knowledge of the first only exsaserbates the existance of the second, leading to a young woman who rarely puts herself in social situations and has trouble maintaining friendships that she has somehow stumbled into.
It's not sympathy I'm after. It just feels nice to get it out of my head. It's noisy in there, and I'm in school. I need to make room.

This, really, is a part of my happiness equation. As uncomfortable as I am in the social spectrum, being with people I know and love makes me happy, and I cannot know and love people if I do not first allow myself to meet them.

Goal # 1: Make a phone call, a girl date, and a lost connection.

Generally Happy

I am a generally happy person, I guess. Other than the psychosis that makes me mildly cynical and a little panicky, but I'm sure everyone has something like that. We're all a little nuts. If you can't tell, the last two books I read were about mental facilities and crazies. Due to the fact that my life starts, in my own mind, to resemble the books I read, I've been thinking myself crazy the last two days, not the least because I identify just a little too strongly with Susanna Kaysen. Not as much with Teddy Daniels, but definitely with Susanna Kaysen.

Anyway, whether or not I am crazy is not the point. If I'm not, my brain will, as it always does, figure itself out in a few days. If I am...well, there's not much to be done about it now. The point is, while I am generally happy, I am one of the least mindful people I know. Some people live life deliberately. I can't define what that looks like exactly, but you know those people, the ones who live deliberately. Watching those people, I often find myself wondering if I couldn't be living a happier, fuller life. So I made a list. I love lists.

Things That Make Me Happy

1. Spending GOOD time with my Husband
2. Dancing
3. Reading
4. Having a challenge or goal to aspire to
5. Running
6. Shopping
7. Talking to Marian
8. Laughing
9. Traveling and New Places
10. Writing
11. Decorating/Creating/Building

As far as I can see, happiness is like an equation. Things that make you happy = X, Amount of Happiness = Y. The more I do things that make me happy, the happier I become.

Mathematics of Emotion.

More about the reading

I'm on my third book of 2010, which, as it is the eigth of January, makes me wonder if 25 is a laughably easy goal. At this rate, I should finish around 15o books this year. But I won't. That's just silly. I am, However, upping the goal to 50 books this year. And Dammit, I've lost my point. I had one, but now I've forgotten. Phenomenal.

Libraries! That was it.

I recently found my library card and remembered that there is, in fact, a library only a few blocks from my house. This startling discover came after I spent half th day worrying about how I would afford to buy all these books. Then I remembered: there's a magical place that will just let you take them for FREE.

But not until I pay off my $20 fine. I have a tendency to borrow books and just go ahead and keep them. Forever.

About this whole running thing...

I have a love-hate relationship with running. On th one hand, I love to run. I love the high I get when I run, and the sense of personal accomplishment. On the other hand, my knees were shot all to hell when I did colorguard in high school, and now running makes my knees want to move out and fin an owner who will take better care of them.

Every few months, though, I ignore my knees pitiful cries for mercy and decide I'm going to run. I download music, I put on my running clothes, and off I go. This usually lasts about three weeks before I'm back at square one.

It's the new year though, and I need to be a better person. Which means, really, that I need to get in better shape. I'm teeny tiny, it's true, but skinny does not always = healthy. It just means I don't eat a lot. My muscles are the consistany of ricotta cheese at this point, and I feel like that just isn't acceptable. So, the goal now is, as it always is, to run a 5K. The Ortega River Run is February 27th, and it's as good a time as any to try a 5K, and it's roughly nine-ish weeks away, which gives me time for the Couch to 5K program.

I'm going to try and run tonight. It's supposed to be in the 20's though, and I only own one glove. If I layer though, maybe it will be ok.

25 Books in 2010

I'm not usually one for goal-making. After all, I'm not usually one for goal-keeping, so what's the point? However, I hav decided, against my better judgement, to read 25 books in 2010. It doesn't sound like a lot, but that's roughly 2 1/12 books a month, or an entire book every two weeks.

The reason I know I am probably doomed to failure is that, as with Couch to 5K, I find myself saying "Two books a month? Easy Peasy". Somehow I think this will be more challenging than I imagine. And on the off chance that it isn't and I breeze through 25 books in the next 6 weeks, I'll have to up the ante to 52 books in a year. Or not. But it's a thought. Anyways, here we are.

1. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (completed Jan 4)
2. Inkheart by Cornelia Funke (Completed Jan 7)
3. Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen (Completed Jan 8)
4. Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane (Completed Jan 9)
5. Gulliver's Travels (In progress)

Books I want to read this year:

It Sucked, and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong
Emma by Jane Austen

After that, I have literally no idea. Maybe I'll reread the Abhorsen Chronicles. Is that cheating, to reread?