Friday, July 23, 2010

30 BEFORE 30: Have a Baby and a review

Don't get excited. My womb is dusty and empty, sadly. Mostly dusty, probably. I haven't gotten a chance to tidy up in there in awhile, and finding a uterus maid is just ridiculous.


Doctor Connor, who looks like a mix between Santa Claus and Bilbo Baggins, found out that I had not had 70 days and said something to the affect of "Good gracious me! This must be remedied!" and prescribed me Provera. In case you don't know what that is, it's awful. It's basically strait progesterone to send my body the message "RESET!" I am experiencing PMS on crack, which means that I spent all of last night telling my husband to "STOP CONTRADICTING ME!" But I'm not "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT KNOCK IT OFF BEFORE I STAB YOU OMG I'M SO SORRY I'M EMOTIONALLY UNBALANCED" You're not emotionally unbalanced. You're beautiful "STOP CONTRADICTING ME!"

Yea. It was bad. I'm better today, possibly because there is only one more gosh-forsaken pill in that terrible bottle, and its for tomorrow morning and then I never have to see it again until the next time my body says "Wait...what was I doing?"

Which could be sometime next week, honestly. I'm not sure whether my body skipped out on all the lessons on puberty or if its just really lazy and only pushes the right hormone buttons when it feels particularly compelled by the spirit, which is to say never.

On the bright side:

Inception is the best movie I've seen in a long time. It was better than Avatar and I want to marry Leonardo Dicaprio.

My husband has agreed to put in wood floors with our tax refund huzzah!

I talked my best friend in the world into going to Quebec with me. I actually don't think she's convinced, but you really can't argue at 30000 feet. So there, Jules. So there.

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