I haven't said a word all week...

Except Monday, and that hardly counts, as I wrote the blog itself on Saturday.

Anyway, I have learned some valuable lessons this week. Would you like to hear them? Of course you would.

1. Sexually repressed Southern Baptist girls rarely understand why plastic phalli do not belong at lingere showers. Typically they will excuse this breach of all that is classy by saying "But it will be funny!" Not when 50 year old church ladies show up.

2. Our educational system is not doing enough to teach our children geography. We need to be teaching kids that Alaska is, in fact, a part of the United States, and they do not have perpetual sunshine, 12 months a year. If we don't, they end up making themselves look dumb on facebook while I silently judge every teacher they ever had.

3. You can't always bring your baby everywhere, and nobody cares that "all MY friends are fine with it! They would never DREAM of saying my baby couldn't come!" Yes, well, no one cares, all the other mommies have made their peace with it, and you never show up to functions anyway, so hush. To be fair, I didn't learn this one. Neither did the perpetrator, unfortunatly.

4. Timothy Zahn is a big nerd. Like, a really big nerd. But he sure can write a book.

5. The cover to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies freaks me the eff out.

Have a great day!